put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
