The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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