things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
