I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
