Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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