i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
