DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
