I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
