Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
