I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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