he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
