i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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