i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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