whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have so many feelings about this burrito
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
