bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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