I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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