We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize