Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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