i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize