Sponge bath it is.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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