I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
