It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
