Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
