Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Randomize
