im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
