guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
