My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Someone shit on the floor
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
