It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
