I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
