i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
