i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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