is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
