i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
