I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
