theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
