my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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