My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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