just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
