Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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