oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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