That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
