It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
