You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
