He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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