I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
