just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
