i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
