my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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