booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think my moral compass just broke
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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