dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
