i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
