Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
