Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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