my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
