that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's Friday. Sex?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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