We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
