We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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