good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
