quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
