My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
