Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
