I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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