i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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